The Chinese are a particular race with an eye for details. One never fails to marvel at the intricacies of the customs and traditions that make this time-tested culture both unique and colourful.
Listed below is what is known to the Chinese as 'Three Letters and Six Etiquette', which clearly describes the customary practices of the conventional Chinese marriage. Though not every single step is obeyed and carried out nowadays to the fullest measure, the cultural symbolism of this age-old tradition is not lost, especially to the more elderly.

Three Letters.....

Request Letter
The groom's family is first of all required to send a formal letter to the bride-to-be's family, requesting for the hand of the bride. Initial gifts for the bride's family often accompany the letter.

Gift Letter
This letter simply gives a listing of the type and quantity of the official betrothal gifts, which are to be presented to the bride's family at a later date.

Wedding Letter
This letter is prepared and presented to the bride's family on the day of the wedding to confirm and commemorate the official acceptance of the bride into the groom's family.

Six Major Etiquette

Request for Marriage
The traditional way to propose a marriage is to hire the help of a spokesperson or go-between (normally an elderly person or a midwife/ matchmaker), to formally present the groom's request to the bride-to-be's family. Some negotiation with regards to the dowry and size of wedding banquet will normally take place at this first stage.

Matching of the 'Eight Letters'
The next step is to ascertain the compatibility of the potential bride and groom. This is done by simply matching their birthdates, or what is known as the 'Eight Letters', which clearly records the year, month, day and time of birth. The groom's family will normally hire a fortune-teller/ astrologer to ascertain the couple's compatibility. If the couples' 'Eight Letters' do not clash ( in that their marriage will not bring about any disaster to them or their families), the groom's family will then proceed to the next step. In the case whereby there is a clash, the groom's family will drop all previous marriage arrangements and proceed to look for another suitable bride.

Initial Gifts
In the case that the potential bride's birthdate is acceptable, the groom's family will then arrange for the spokesperson to present the Gift Letter accompanied by some initial gifts to the bride's family. The two families also exchange their family records or family tree at this juncture. Traditionally, these stages of affiance take place one month before the actual wedding.

Formal Betrothal Gifts
After the couple are officially affianced, an auspicious date will then be picked for the official presentation of the betrothal gifts, originally known as 'Tea Gifts', to the bride's family. Conventional betrothal gifts may include tea, roasted suckling pig cut in half without separating the bone, bridal cakes, coconuts, a pair of virtuous poultry, betel nuts, wine and tobacco. Also included is the money box decorated with wedding candles: other than ëlaiseeí for the bride's brothers and sisters-in-law, it also contains lotus seeds, taro, dragon eye, betel nuts, red and green beans, red dates, nutmeg, oranges, pomegranate, lily, bulbs, cypress leaves, willow twigs and red braid for the hair. A modern simplified version is to only include foods such as dried seafood and fruit basket. The acceptance of the gifts by the bride's family symbolizes the confirmation of marriage between the two families.

Pick the Wedding Date
A fortune-teller/ astrologer is then engaged to select an auspicious date to hold the wedding.

Wedding Day

The groom's family sends out a whole bridal procession of musicians, servants and relatives to fetch the bride during the auspicious hour which was chosen by the fortune-teller/ astrologer. Red is the colour of the event: the bride and groom and all those at the wedding are expected to don as much red (which has an auspicious connotation) as possible. The spokesperson or go-between is to oversee the entire bridal procession.

The fun part of this entire procession really takes place at the doorstep of the bride's residence, which will be 'guarded' by the bridesmaids or 'sisters' of the bride. It is customary for the bridesmaid to give the groom a difficult time before he is allowed to enter: this could range from asking him some difficult questions to making him do silly acts such as singing for his bride. The groom is required to pass through all the tests (with the help of the groomsmen or 'brothers') before he is finally allowed to meet and fetch his bride to his residence. The last test normally requires him to negotiate and pay a certain amount of money to the bridesmaids.

Once the bride is brought back to the groom's residence, the marriage ceremony adjourns in the presence of all friends and relatives. Conventionally, the ceremony begins with the worship of the heavens and the earth, the paying of respect to the groom's ancestry, and finally the serving of tea to all those who are more advanced in age or status in the family. The tea ceremony is made complete by the return of red packages and well wishes to the just-married by the more senior.

A huge celebration and feast in the form of a wedding banquet is then held, whereby much toasting and well-wishing of the couple by the guests takes place. It is also conventional that the groom is to be made drunk as part of the celebrations before he retreats to the bridal room. 

Once in the bridal room, before the groom finally gets to lift the veil off his bride's face, the couple is required to exchange a selection of sweets and fruit as symbolic of longevity and blessing of future children.

Other Customary Practices

Preparation of the Bridal Bed
A man of good fortune will be hired to move the bridal bed to the right place in the bridal room while a woman of supposed good fortune will make the bed and also place certain foods and fruit that symbolize good fortune on the bed. Children are also invited onto the bed on the day of the wedding to symbolize the blessing of fertility upon the couple. Red dates. Oranges, lotus seeds, peanuts and pomegranates are scattered all around the bed for the same purpose. The modern simplified way is to just change the bed linen to a traditional red colour for good luck and prosperity.

Dowry
This is normally sent to the groom's family a couple of days before the actual wedding day, or simply brought along by the bride on the wedding day itself. The bride's dowry normally consists of items such as valuable jewelry, kitchen utensils, and bridal linen such as sheets, pillowcases and clothes. In some instances, the bride's dowry could also include some ornaments for the bridal room.

Combing of Hair
It is customary for both the bride and groom to go through this ritual the night before the actual wedding for good luck and prosperity. A woman of supposed good fortune is hired to comb their hair in their respective homes. Before this is done, they are to take a shower, change into a fresh set of clothes, and burn some incense. In addition to the above, the bride, in particular, needs to have her hair combed under the moonlight.

Both the bride and groom's hair needs to be combed 4 times respectively. Each time carries a different symbolism: the first round connotes 'from beginning to end', the second 'harmony from now till old age', the third 'sons and grandsons all over the place' and the finally the fourth symbolizes 'good wealth and a long-lasting marriage'. In this modern day context, many couples would rather choose to skip this event all together.

Bride's Return
Traditionally, the bride is to return to visit her family 3 days after the wedding. The groom often accompanies her, with gifts for her family.